Dos and Don'ts for Friends and Families of Deaf Babies

We are so grateful for the help from our friends and family, from our baby's diagnosis onward. People have shown up for us in so many ways, and offered to do even more.

Since deafness is relatively rare, a lot of people aren't sure what to say.

So, here are a few do's and don'ts from our personal experience.

Don't: Pity Us or Our Baby

While families like ours face additional challenges, there's also more joy and appreciation. We're absolutely delighted with our daughter, and she's brought us into a wonderful community and widened our world. She's a happy, curious, charming baby, who may learn some things differently, but it only adds to who she is.

Do: Be (Very) Patient

Parents of a deaf baby have a lot on their plate.

They're dealing with all the usual new baby things, plus learning a new way to communicate, and navigating a complex medical system.

A hiccup in their baby's routine isn't just difficult in the moment, it can ripple into the many appointments they carefully arranged.

We really appreciate our friends and family's patience with our communication lags, tight schedules, and missed events.

Don't: Ask The Cause

We totally understand why people ask! Of course, it's natural to wonder.

We also racked our brains for weeks after the diagnosis. How could we not have known?  Was it something we did? 

We've since learned that the majority of parents are caught off-guard by their baby's diagnosis, just like us. And many parents have no idea what caused it.  Genetic testing and MRIs can take months, and are often inconclusive.

It's better to wait for the parents to voluntarily share any new information as they get it.

In the meantime, we learned that it really doesn't matter what caused the hearing loss. We're focusing on looking forward.

Do: Accept the Diagnosis

We sought out second opinions for our own peace of mind.  But, it was easier on us when people accepted the diagnosis from the start, and asked about the meaning of it, rather than saying why they thought it might be wrong.

Don't: Look for a Miracle

Typical hearing requires our ears and brains to perform incredible calculations across different frequencies and locations.

Before our daughter's diagnosis, we hadn't thought about the different pitches, frequencies, and clarity levels involved in detecting sound, and how the brain processes background noise.

While we love celebrating our daughter's reactions to sound, we now know "She heard that!" is not at all equivalent to "She's cured!" 

Do: Keep Inviting Us!

We may have turned down a lot of invitations, but, our schedules will open up, and we will get better at the logistics. We will learn how to help our kids do anything!

We are looking forward to that day, and can't wait to spend it with you.

In the meantime, we love staying in the loop, and feeling like maybe next time we can join.

And, hey, sometimes we can!